How Therapy Can Feel Safe
How Your Therapist Can Help You Stay Grounded
CONTRIBUTED BY EXTERN THERAPIST HEATHER RIVLIN, MSW, RSW
Caption: Person engaging in the Butterfly Hug technique involving tapping of the collarbone.
Beginning therapy is, for many people, an act of courage. It requires tremendous vulnerability to speak your truth out loud, often in the presence of someone you’ve only just met. And yet, many describe therapy as one of the safest spaces they’ve ever entered. This is what we want for everyone. So what makes that possible?
The Answer Isn’t Magic…it’s relationship.
Emotional safety in therapy is something your therapist needs to build with you. Intentionally and respectfully this process should begin from the moment you meet, and then be delicately crafted and curated over your time together. If you could peek behind the curtain, inside the mind of your therapist into their process, you would see them weaving together dozens of small decisions, quiet observations, data points, and human instincts that help you settle your nervous system and stay grounded enough to explore what matters most in a way that feels safe and contained.
We are offering you a look inside that process and how the groundedness you experience in therapy can begin to live inside you, transcending the walls of the counselling office, or virtual space, and live in an embodied way inside of you, a resource you can take with you out of your sessions and out into the world.
Somatic Awareness
Therapists notice things most people don’t: the way your shoulders rise when you're anxious, the way your breath becomes rapid or shallow, the way you avert your gaze, or may nervously laugh when touching on sensitive topics, how your voice changes when you're not sure if you're allowed to speak freely, or how you wring your hands when you discuss that one relationship of significance. They’re trained to respond with care, not with correction, but with attunement. “Attunement”, in therapy, refers to a therapist’s ability to “tune in” to your emotional experience, to tune in” to your feelings, both expressed or implied, and to convey that understanding back to you in a way that provides you with a sense of validation, feeling heard, feeling seen, and feeling understood. Sometimes, attunement sounds like, “We can slow down here if you’d like,” or “Would it help to take a breath together before we go further?”
These kinds of micro-moments help your nervous system to settle, to relax into a parasympathetic rest-and-digest state, and invite a shift to calmness. One small grounding practice your therapist may invite is to simply place both feet flat on the floor, noticing the support beneath you. They might offer a moment of quiet, encouraging you to feel the weight of your body in the chair, or to look around the room and name three things you see and hear. These exercises are ways of connecting with your body and the environment, reminding your body that you're here now, and that you are safe.
Breathwork and Co-Regulation
Grounding is not a skill you're expected to bring into the room. It's something you and your therapist co-create. In fact, one of the most healing aspects of therapy is the way it supports co-regulation: a process where a therapist’s calm presence can help soothe and stabilize your own system.
Co-regulation could mean starting the session with a breath together. It might involve guiding you through the practice of box-breathing, or breathing in a 4-7-8 pattern (inhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds). Or it might involve naming sensations: “I notice my chest feels tight right now,” and having your therapist reflect back gently, “That makes so much sense.” Over time, these shared moments begin to build internal cues. The next time your chest tightens during the week, you might remember that moment in session and pause to breathe rather than push forward in discomfort.
Grounding Language
Therapists also offer grounding language that helps you orient. You might hear: “There’s no rush, we have time.” “Would it feel helpful to come back to your breath?” “You’re doing something really brave right now.” Each of these phrases acts as a kind of emotional foothold, helping you stay anchored even while navigating complex or painful material.
Grounding Objects and Visualization
In some therapy rooms, clients are also offered grounding objects: a smooth stone, a weighted cushion, or a textured item to hold. In virtual sessions, clients have the added benefit of being in their own space, where they can choose meaningful objects, comforting textures, or even familiar scents to support their grounding process. These tactile supports may seem small, but they can provide a sense of contact and orientation when emotions feel big. Other times, therapists guide clients through visualization techniques: imagining a calm place, recalling a supportive person, or picturing a steady inner resource they can return to. These aren't distractions: they’re anchors, chosen together, to help the client stay present without becoming overwhelmed or flooded.
Permission and Boundaries
In therapy, safety often comes through permission. Your therapist should never force you to talk about something before you're ready. Instead, they may ask: “Would you like to explore that, or hold off for now?” That question isn’t about politeness but rather about empowerment. You’re being reminded that you are in charge of your pace and your process. This matters especially for clients who’ve experienced trauma or disempowerment. The invitation to choose, to pause, or to say “not today” is deeply regulating. It builds trust not only with your therapist but with yourself.
Boundaries are also part of that safety. You might find that your therapist ends sessions on time, gently brings things back when conversations feel overwhelming, or is honest about when something feels outside their scope. These aren’t limitations. They’re signals that you’re in a relationship where clarity and containment matter just as much as warmth and compassion.
Taking Groundedness Into Daily Life
Over time, something should shift. The safety you feel in the therapy room doesn’t just stay there. It begins to echo in your everyday life, and is something you can take with you.
You may find yourself using grounding tools you have practiced in session such as pressing your feet into the ground before opening a difficult message, or placing your hand on your heart when emotions rise, box breathing or a butterfly hug.
Therapy has been described as “training for real life,” not because it is hard, but because it can give us a felt sense of how to return to calm.
This is where therapy can become transformative. It’s not just about insight, it’s about embodiment. You can begin to feel what it means to be safe, and then you begin to recognize what safety feels like inside of you. It creates a somatic experience of a calm safety that, with time, becomes familiar.
Try This: A Grounding Practice You Can Take With You
We all experience discomfort, anxiety and overwhelm. Sometimes, a small, consistent tool can become your go-to in moments of stress or disconnection. One grounding practice many clients find helpful is the Butterfly Hug: a gentle self-holding technique that uses bilateral tapping to calm the nervous system and grounds you in the present when your mind wants to go to catastrophe.
HOW IT WORKS:
1. Cross your arms over your chest so that each hand rests just below your opposite collarbone — like you’re giving yourself a hug.
2. Begin tapping your hands slowly, alternating left and right, as your hands tap your collarbone. You can do this silently, while breathing deeply, or while repeating a reassuring phrase like “You are safe”, or “You are here now” or even “I’ve got you”
3. Try it for 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Try it especially after a difficult conversation, before a meeting, or any time you feel emotionally flooded.
The beauty of the Butterfly Hug is its portability…no one even needs to know you’re doing it. Instead of your chest, it can be squeezing your fists in an alternating pattern, or wiggling your toes inside your shoes. It’s a way to offer your body the same grounded steadiness your therapist might provide in session. It says: I’m here. I’m safe. And I can come back home to myself to find calm stillness and safety.
Affordable Support at Cherry Tree Counselling
Everyone deserves access to quality mental health care. At Cherry Tree Counselling, our Affordable Therapy Program offers reduced-rate sessions with skilled, supervised intern therapists, making therapy more accessible without compromising care.
We also recognize that not everyone’s past experience with therapy has felt safe or supportive and that is not okay. You deserve to feel heard, respected, and empowered in every session and to receive excellent care with every visit. Our team is committed to providing care that centres your voice and helps rebuild trust.
Whether you're navigating a tough season, exploring patterns, or simply need a safe place to land, we’re here.
Feel like yourself again.
Whether you're facing a current challenge, a past pain, or are simply feeling stuck in this phase of your life, we can help you to live the life you want with intention, mindfulness and balance.
We are accepting new clients and offer free consultations.
Note: This article is intended for informational purposes and does not substitute professional medical advice.
